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| Paul and I came over to visit my parents on Sunday. We planned to leave yesterday, then maybe today, and now who knows? Everyone, including me, is in a tizzy about stupid effing Ike. Mostly I am worried this will mean I don't get all my wedding stuff done or SE Texas will lose power for weeks like after Rita and no one will show up for a wedding in the hot dark.
I HAVE SERIOUS WOE. :(
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| It is a popular trend within modern Protestantism to say that Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship. Religion is against my relationship, as my sister's Religious Views on facebook once read. I guess that is all well and good; it is generally acknowledged these days that what people need is not religion as it has come to be known, represented by fire and brimstone, oppression of free expression, wizened old ladies with gossipy tongues, and an underlying belief that earth sucks and everything about life will continue to suck forever and won't heaven just be the grandest? This face that religion has obtained, a face that is particularly apt for a large majority of Southern Baptists, isn't necessarily undue, and it is definitely not what it should be.
But you know what? I don't want a freewheeling, Jesus is my home boy and I tell him about my nail polish, let's sit in a circle and sing along to repetitive p&w songs played on an acoustic guitar by someone who knows more brands of hair product than chords, type of religion either. (And look, just drop it with the not-a-religion spiel. Christianity is a religion, same as Islam, Buddhism, and hard polytheism. Learn to deal.) Maybe that works for some people- a lot of people. But it doesn't work for me.
Yesterday in the car I told Paul that sometimes I wish I was pagan. Today I realized that maybe what I really wish is that I was Catholic. What do they have in common? Ritual. Sanctity. Awe. These are missing from church as I know it, and I hate that. This is worship of the God of the freaking universe, of his almighty Son, and of his omnipresent Spirit. How does that not inspire awe? How can we treat them as people just like us except cooler? We absolutely should not. Jesus died so that we might know the Father more completely, that we might commune with him despite our overwhelming lack of qualification. Let us not forget that we are unworthy, that being a child of God is not a right nor something to be taken lightly. It is a privilege of the highest order.
Of course there will be differences of opinion regarding how best to approach this divine creator, but the longer I stagnate, sitting in a pew or on a rock, singing from a hymn or from a projector, the more dissatisfied I become. Religion should be sacred and honored. Do I agree with all, or even most, Catholic theology? Not a chance. I do not revere Mary, I do not believe saints have special power, I do not believe that a person must complete a list of sacraments in order to be saved. They've got a lot wrong, but in some ways, I think they have the right idea. I love the idea of the rosary. Not that a person needs to say fifty Hail Marys, but the idea of a tangible object serving as a symbol of prayer, as a guide or a reminder. I like the idea of confession. Not that I need a priest to pray away my sins, but having someone to talk to about them, someone who knows me and my struggles. My biggest sin is worry. I worry and fret and stress all the time. It is something I have been facing since middle school. People always want to tell me to 'give things to the Lord', but who even knows what that means? Asking God to remove my fears has never worked. Is this some lack of faith on my part? Probably. Do I wish I had someone to help me with this? Absolutely.
As for the pagans, I admire their honor for nature. Why should we not celebrate the beauty of God's creation in ways beyond a passing admiration of clouds and trees? I admire their attitude toward setting a mood for prayer and mediation. I want to light candles or burn incense. I want a special place reserved for sacred thoughts, with special objects that call to mind the holiness of God and the reverence I should give him.
At the heart of it, really, is a belief that I hold truly dear. I believe that words have power, and words said by millions of people over hundreds of years have an abundance of cumulative power. That is why I would never consider any but the traditional wedding vows, why I still love the Lord's prayer, and why reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or singing the National Anthem still moves me to tears even though I've done that for nearly twenty years. I know that this is not true for everyone, possibly not even for most people, but it is for me.
Maybe these opinions are unpopular. Someone may tell me that I am not focusing on the right aspects of religion, that this is all just hollow routine, and I know there are plenty of people who could express this better. I just have to say it, though, because it is what I feel, and it scares me that my current attitude toward religion is leaning too close to apathy. Maybe this isn't a cure, but it is a start. I guess I'll see where it goes.
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| You let me down, Gustav. You got me all worked up for nothing. How dare you, Gustav, how dare you?
It was nice to get away for a few days, though, and I had a good time with my relatives. Annnnnnnd now I have to make up for the days I missed in wedding stuff. Whee. | | |
| To be honest, I really prefer the livejournal format to xanga, except in one respect. Footprints. Today someone from South Africa looked at several of my xanga entries using Safari. Pretty awesome.
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| Why is this the funniest comic ever?
I'm really at a loss to explain the five minutes of helpless laughter I just experienced.
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